He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
