You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
