New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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