i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All the doctor said was why
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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