We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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