We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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