I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
