We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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