Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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