I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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