Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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