dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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