I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
