i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
