Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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