Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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