My hair reeks of homosexuality.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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