You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
