I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
