and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
