Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
