Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
