Acid is not a monday night drug
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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