he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
