you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize