Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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