it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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