he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
BRING THE BAGELS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
