the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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