I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
