And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
