It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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