I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize