someone get that fucking seahorse.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
