First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
