goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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