You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
