Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
