My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
