I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My balls are so social today.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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