im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My cat gives me a boner
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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