I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
