hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
