I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize