good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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