It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
