I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
