meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
