I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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