You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize