Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
