turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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