just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
