so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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