I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
