I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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