Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
