He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
