I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
