she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize