so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
