I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We had to coat check the pizza.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
