Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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