Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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