my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
