i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize