In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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