she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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