kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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