trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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