Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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