i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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