Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
