When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
