bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
