Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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