can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you win again, gameday.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize