Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
