it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize