whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Please don't give away my fajitas
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
