I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
