eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
