I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
