Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
