Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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