Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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