I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
