Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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