Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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