Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
