Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize