i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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