Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
