3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We're facebook friends in real life
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
