i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
