Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
