Can i not drive my cunt home
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
