Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
