Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
