The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize