i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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