How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
