I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The best revenge is premature balding
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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