this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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