U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
