when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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