Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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