I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
