I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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