And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
