she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
