we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
