They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
